Love, Greater Than Infinity (Book 1: New Adult Romance) Read online

  Now, just moments before Gracie’s wedding, all the bridesmaids—all ten of them in their designer gowns patterned like a ballerina tutus with pink tulle over patterned silk—scurried around Gracie like they wanted her autograph. It was a fan club of giddy bubble gum girls, all trying to congratulate the prom queen. None of them were Gracie’s friends. They were all Ellington cousins or daughters of Puffy’s business partners, except for Misty Winters, Gracie’s maid of honor. Gracie didn’t have a lot of close female friends. She had learned in her all-girls high school that she was a magnet for catty back-stabbing and jealous rivalries. Her natural modesty made her even more popular, so there was no avoiding the cruel emotional games that women play with each other in the name of friendship. At any moment, Jenny would decide to shun Gracie with the silent treatment because Gracie scored better on the Algebra test. Melissa would decide to spread rumors about Gracie being anorexic. And Sarah would forget to invite Gracie to a Friday night party because Garrett Hatfield was coming to the party, and Sarah had a crush on Garrett who was rumored to be more interested in Gracie.

  Even all through college, Gracie downplayed her exotic auburn hair by wearing it back in ponytails. She rarely wore make-up to keep the girls from thinking she was flaunting her long lashes, porcelain skin, and striking smile. And she even dampened her quick wit and dark humor when she hung out with her college guy friends and their girlfriends, or else she appeared too flirtatious when she rattled off wry, raunchy one-liners just to keep pace with her male peers. Behind her smiles and quips, Gracie kept guard over her emotions. It was a series of small tiffs, hurtful interactions, and subtle betrayals that made Gracie isolated and alone within her heart and cautious and distrustful within her thoughts. And her generous smile hid her own jealousy of the other girls whose dads picked them up from school, or bought them new BMW’s for their sixteenth birthdays, or escorted them to the father-daughter prom.

  Misty was the only friend who Gracie trusted to understand the emotional pain caused by her father’s death. Misty’s own father had died of a sudden heart attack when Misty was only seven. Misty didn’t suffer incomprehensible waves of sorrow like Gracie. Instead, she just felt a vague sense of abandonment in her life, and covered it up in the same way that all girls with absent fathers plug up their paternal voids—they date bad boys.

  And unfortunately for Gracie, the bad boy Misty liked the most was Luke Ellington.

  * * * *

  Misty’s year-long quest for Luke finally ended in victory on Gracie’s wedding day as her fiancé and maid of honor did the nasty in the kitchen pantry, fifteen minutes before the string quartet was scheduled to play, “Here Comes the Bride” and before Luke intended to vow his eternal love for Gracie.

  It was Teddy who discovered them. He paced outside the profligate pantry, just waiting for someone to walk into the kitchen and hear Misty’s heinous climactic wheezing. Five minutes later, Luke peeked open the narrow closet door and surveyed if the coast was clear. Then, he escaped upstairs through the servants’ staircase to the groom’s chamber with his unzipped tuxedo fly and sweat-soaked hair. Misty tiptoed out next, pausing once to hike up her disheveled pantyhose and rearrange her pushup bra. Teddy tailgated behind her as she floated—all sunshine and smiles—into the mahogany foyer. Infuriated, Teddy considered drowning her clown face in the punchbowl and igniting her hair-sprayed hornets’ nest hair with the creme brulée torch. It took Teddy every ounce of restraint not to repeat Pervie Seth Patterson’s mustang-into-a-tree fiasco with a double feature of Luke and Misty somersaulting down the mansion’s main staircase.

  The string quartet simmered to a hush. Luke stepped onto the bridal stage at the head of the ballroom. Mastermind by the garish Québécois, the stage was a monstrous gazebo, woven with white birch trusses and threaded with vines of ivy and blossoms of tropical orchids. Luke was followed onto the stage by his best man, Ron Roberts, a braggart playboy with too many girlfriends and not enough intelligence to keep all their names straight.

  Teddy watched in horror. Ten minutes and counting until Gracie committed the worst mistake of her life, and the only way to protect her was to intervene and prevent Gracie from exercising her own Free Will. And although keepers can intervene in the lives of their assignments in order to protect them from physical harm, they can’t intervene in order to alter their Destiny or protect them from the consequences of their own Free Will, even when sometimes, Free Will enables otherwise good people to drink and drive, cheat on their spouses, max out their credit cards, and mix milk with cola.

  Luke and Ron Roberts shrugged off their sly smirks and turned towards the crowd. The quartet started up with the bridesmaids’ procession. One-by-one, the bridesmaids were escorted down the ballroom’s pearly satin aisle, and all three hundred guests swiveled in their seats with their plastic smiles.

  Teddy had five minutes—maybe ten to do something… and that was if a pink pixie bridesmaid managed to trip over her own strawberry soufflé gown and cause a monumental scene. Sending Pornographic Patterson’s mustang into a tree barely compared to the violence that Teddy had in store for Luke Ellington. He blazed into the ballroom with the “Gonna Fly Now” victory theme song from Rocky trumpeting in his head until… it all came to an abrupt end.

  “Don’t even think about it, kid—” Lou stepped in front of Teddy, shoving his hand against his chest like a bouncer at a posh nightclub.

  The force of Lou’s energy overwhelmed him. “Stay out of this, Lou,” Teddy seethed, attempting to push past him. “I’m stopping this wedding, so get out of my way.”

  “It was one time, and if you try to stop this wedding, I’ll break both your arms.”

  The only thing Teddy hated more than Lou Castellini was the fact that Lou was older, and more powerful. Teddy lurched forward, intent on tipping over the gazebo stage and flattening Luke like a cockroach in a tuxedo.

  Like a dirty street fighter, Lou twisted both Teddy’s arms behind his back and dragged him off into a private wing of the ballroom. After being a keeper for three millenniums, and watching over warring civilizations like the Greeks, Romans, and Mongolians, Lou had learned a thing or two about hand-on-hand combat. Teddy wrestled out of Lou’s grasp and exhaled in frustration, pacing back in forth along the narrow hallway just outside the ballroom.

  “Listen, kid…you didn’t actually believe Luke Ellington was gonna be faithful to Gracie, did you?”

  Teddy glared at Lou, incredulous. “Yes, Lou. Yes, I actually did. And in fact, I thought the Council brought Luke into Gracie’s life so she could live happily ever after.”

  Lou chuckled, “Nobody lives ‘happily ever after’, kid.”

  “Well, Gracie should. She deserves to. She deserves better than this,” Teddy insisted. “She’s had a hard life, and she deserves to marry someone who loves her.”

  “Look, Teddy,” Lou insisted. “Gracie’s supposed to help Luke become a better man, and she will. But in the meantime, Luke’s got his own Free Will, and lots of tasty women swirling about. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love, Gracie. It just means he has a hard time not fooling around with other women.” Lou gazed at Teddy sidelong with his antagonistic smile. “Besides, she’ll have him for the wedding night, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “You’re despicable.”

  “Why?” Lou lit up a cigarette, attempted to take a drag, and surveyed Teddy with wry amusement. “Because I’m following orders? Listen, kid, I’m not the one who created their Destiny and I sure as hell am not interfering with anybody’s Free Will.”

  Dissatisfied, Lou tossed his cigarette aside. “Gracie will either find out for herself and deal with it, or she’ll never find out and love him for the rest of her life. Either way, it’ll send her life exactly where it needs to go. That’s how life works in the lower dimensions, see?”

  “No. I don’t see,” Teddy countered.

  “C’mon, kid. How else do you suppose Luke’s gonna learn what it means to hurt someone he car
es about?”

  “It’s your job to guide your assignment’s Destiny, Lou. Not let him piss all over my territory, then pretend it’s okay.”

  “Look, babyface. Don’t go telling me what my job is. I know exactly what my job is. I remember the Greeks and the Egyptians, okay? I’ve been at this for the past three thousand years, so don’t go telling me how to do my job, and how to keep after my assignment because you haven’t seen nothing compared to me.”

  “Didn’t need the visual of you in a toga, Lou.”

  “Shut up.”

  “I’m just saying.”

  “Well, stop saying nothing. You’re too young, and too new at this business to be interfering with what’s already been predetermined by the universe.”

  “I’m just saying that it’s not fair—”

  “Oh, for Chrissake, Teddy. You’re such a whiny crybaby, I can’t stand it.” Lou circled away from him with a dismissive wave. “Newsflash, Teddy. Life’s not fair, but if your girl doesn’t try to straighten Luke out now, he’ll be doomed for the rest of his life. He’ll wake up a fat middle-aged man, alone and empty, and he’ll blow his brains out before he turns fifty.”

  “And what about Gracie? Huh, Lou? She only exists to serve Luke’s Destiny? Cause I’m telling you something. There damn well better be something in it for Gracie because I’m sure as hell not gonna stand by and let Luke break her heart just so your assignment learns he can’t double dip whenever he wants.”

  “Oh, pleeeeeease,” Lou looked away, genuinely disgusted. “Listening to you yap, yap, yap is worse than babysitting pigeons. I’m tired of talking to you, and it’s obvious your kindergarten keeper brain can’t comprehend rules that don’t include ‘play nice’ and ‘wash your hands after wiping your ass.’ Man, kid… you’d think you were keeping after The Queen of England instead of some poor girl with a dead father and nervous mother.”

  “That’s right. A poor girl with a dead father and a nervous mother who deserves for once in her life to be happy. So screw you.”

  “And she will be happy, Teddy. In fact, the only one who believes she won’t be happy is you.”

  Teddy stared down Lou. He felt dirty and sour, like backwashed milk. Lou was swishing Teddy around, getting them both nowhere. The whole conversation made Teddy nauseated. And the moment Teddy heard the lead violinist start the introduction of “Here Comes the Bride,” Teddy’s heart sunk into the pit of his stomach. Teddy had run out of time.

  Everyone suddenly stood in their seats to witness Gracie’s procession down the aisle. Teddy moved to the side entrance and peered into the ballroom. Immediately, he caught sight of her. She was an immaculate vision of beauty, a celestial princess in her shimmering ivory gown and crowning veil. She carried a bouquet of sunset pink roses, and her exposed skin glistened like diamonds. Confident and smiling, she was a celestial angel, coming down the aisle by herself. Teddy and Gracie had been through so much together. He had wanted to be there for her, wanted to be the one who walked her down the aisle, the one who gave her away by letting her pass into a new chapter in her life. But now, Teddy just felt a demoralizing sense of failure—even if it was the happiest day of Gracie’s life.

  “Hope you’re happy, Lou. It’s over. You won.”

  Lou drifted up next to him. “Nah, kid. Nobody’s won. It just is what it is.”

  Teddy watched Gracie approach Luke at the altar. The cheating bastard was all smiles. He took her hand in his own, and they stood before the pastor, preparing to become man and wife.

  “Luke’s not a bad kid,” Lou finally said. “Just like you’re not a bad kid, Teddy…even though you annoy the crap out of me.”

  “Gee. Thanks, Lou. The feeling’s mutual.”

  Teddy looked at Misty, standing there in her cotton candy gown and sappy saccharine smile. She was gazing at the couple like a loyal plastic parrot, never betraying the fact that she considered the groom to be her one and only mate.

  “It was one time, Teddy,” Lou said with consolation. “One time that Luke’s Free Will chose the left fork instead of the right. Just let it go and give it a chance. Sometimes these things just need to work themselves out.”

  Teddy’s heart welled up with loathing and a numbing sensation plugged up his ears. He was drowning on the inside. He couldn’t bear to watch Gracie marry someone who didn’t care about her the way he did.

  “Man, Teddy… What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Nothing. Just leave me alone.” Teddy pushed away from Lou and wiped his face dry.

  “Look at me. Look at me, Teddy—” Lou demanded, pawing at Teddy and following him into the reception banquet hall. Lou stopped Teddy in his tracks. Hurt and anger flushed across Teddy’s face.

  “Oh jeez, kid. That’s the real problem. You’re in love with her. That’s what this is really about. You’ve fallen in love with your assignment.”

  “Shut up, Lou. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Oh, yes. YES, I do.” Lou bent over with laughter, and hacked out a few asthmatic coughs. “Oh, man, kid. You’re in trouble. You’re in big, big, big trouble, kid. Those are tears. You’re crying like a lower dimension mortal because you’re feeling human emotions. And one of those emotions is love.”

  “What the hell would you know about it? The only feelings you’ve ever had have been secondary.”

  “Exactly,” Lou pulled out another cigarette and lit it up with glee. “I’m not really smoking this square. I’m just indulging in the idea of it. It’s part of their world, not ours. Same thing with physical pain and physical pleasure. Their world, not ours. We feel energy as it flows and decays, but it’s not the same. And emotions? Keepers have mandates—to keep their assignments’ Destinies on track. They’re not supposed to feel real mortal emotions like love. Unless they’re mixed up in the head. And you, Queenie, are mixed up in the head. You keep going down this path and you’ll end up being removed from your post. And then, you’ll be of no use to anyone. Not even Gracie.”

  Lou chuckled with amusement and swaggered away from Teddy, who felt like an animal caught in a sprung trap. He was now forced to free himself by chewing off his leg or else deal with the consequences. Teddy peered out into the ballroom. Gracie and Luke were exchanging vows. Teddy’s chest tightened. A chalky bitterness clouded his throat. He felt himself scowling, but pretended hard to deny it. He wondered if this was what “love” felt like. It certainly didn’t feel good; that much he knew. But watching Gracie marry another man made Teddy’s whole being burn with suffocating desire. Then, an overwhelming panic swelled inside him. He was going to lose her. He was going to lose her to Luke Ellington who didn’t care about her—couldn’t care about her—the way Teddy cared about her because no one knew her the way Teddy did. No one knew how much she loved ketchup on her scrambled eggs and how she ate spoonfuls of creamy peanut butter right out of the jar. No one knew the naughty things she did when she thought no one was paying attention, like how she stole antique votive candles out of churches, or rolled through stop signs, or spent long hours in bookstores reading magazines without ever buying one. No one knew the good things either—the things she did without expectation of praise, the things she did because she had a generous heart—like how she intentionally left her change in vending machines as a gift to the next person who had a sweet tooth like she did, or how she tipped her bus boys the same amount every night regardless if she made enough tips for herself. No one knew her private pain, how upset she was when everyone at O’Connell’s forgot her twenty-second birthday, and how she smiled extra hard the whole day to hide the fact that her feelings had been hurt. No one knew how much she loved it when it rained because it was the only time when the world’s sadness on the outside mirrored her sadness on the inside. And no one knew she said good night to her Dad every night, even though she stopped believing that he could hear her long ago.

  Teddy tried hard not to think about what Lou had said. What difference did it make if Lou was right or not? All
that mattered was Gracie. All that mattered was her happiness.

  “I do,” Gracie pronounced the fateful words. Teddy suddenly felt like Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate. He wanted to bang on the glass in desperation to disrupt the mockery and deception. He wanted to rush down the aisle and rescue Elaine Robinson from a mediocre marriage to a blonde pretty boy, flee from the church hand-in-hand with the bride, and whisk her on a bus to nowhere.

  God, Gracie. Why? Why? She deserved so much better than to be treated like a consolation prize in Fate’s carnival funhouse. But it was her choice to get married, not Teddy’s, and so the only thing left for him to do was to heave a sad exhaustive sigh, and step aside to allow the person he cared for most in the world to make her own mistakes, even if it meant watching her suffer later for it. Even if he did love her.

  Chapter Seven

  A keeper must respect the intrinsic disorder and discord within the Universe

  Gracie and Luke jetted off from Chicago to Maui right after the wedding reception in order to spend the first night of their honeymoon in a five-star private beach resort. They arrived at the airport, settled into their hotel room, and quickly enjoyed an hour of balmy beach daylight, just before the setting tropical sun flavored the marine horizon with watercolor wisps of lemonade pink and passion fruit orange. Luke bought Gracie a tomato red bikini and matching oriental silk robe with tassels and delicate beading—a honeymoon gift just for Hawaii. She skated across the pristine white beach like a whimsical hummingbird fluttering back and forth along the shoreline, giggling and kicking up sand whenever Luke tried to snag her arms and pull her back down onto their blanket. The hotel staff served them bottomless glasses of champagne, fancy seafood hors d’oeuvres, and silver platters of grilled mahi-mahi, right there on the beach, while they gazed up at the constellations in the black sequined night.

  Teddy made it a point not to hang out with the couple on their wedding night. Instead, he hid out in the hotel lounge and watched a group of drunken Japanese businessmen sing bad karaoke until one o’clock in the morning. Teddy ignored Lou the whole night, even though he kept waving at Teddy from the outdoor pool where he spent his evening floating on a jumbo banana water raft, smoking contraband Cuban cigars, and sucking down Strawberry daiquiris in his Hawaiian shirt that glowed neon orange under the blazing illumination of the poolside torches. Lou and Teddy were like two kids forced to ride in the back of the station wagon on a cross-country trip with their parents; but they didn’t have to pretend to like it. Lou had already assumed the role of the antagonistic older brother, invading the karaoke lounge when his interest in his pool adventures turned tepid like the water. Then, for the sole amusement of all the other keepers in the bar, Lou accompanied a tone-deaf Japanese businessman in his sing along duet to “New York, New York” and proceeded to wink and point at Teddy in the crowd while bellowing out his brash vocal vibrato of Sinatra’s climactic chorus.